Award Ceremony Disappointment

Today I am going to share a little piece of what has been bothering me. As you may know I have a 9 y/o (10 in a few days) autistic son. He is high functioning so he doesn't get to much help from school. He does about average in school. He excels at some subjects like social studies/history and science (parts of it not all). He struggles with other things like math and spelling. Getting through school days is hard for him as it is for many kids. He struggles with knowing what is expected of him academically and socially. However he has done amazingly well this year in school. His teacher this year understands what it means to have Asperger's syndrome. She understands that he listens better when he's not looking at her. She just gets it and because of that he has had good grades this year. Good grades for him means he hasn't had any D's or F's on his report card and only a few on tests. We accepted a long time ago that he'll never have all A's and B's. I could go on and on about why our expectations are reasonable and such but that's not what this post is about. I will maybe some time post about that topic. LOL

Anyway back to the topic of the day. Yesterday was award ceremony at school. He was excited to go because his teacher told him he was getting an award. He was absolutely thrilled. He could not wait to get there. I tried to tell him that he probably wasn't getting a medal or trophy. He told me that 'you never know mom. My teacher said I was getting something'. I tried to prepare him but he was just to excited. I could not make the ceremony because my husband volunteered to help with field day at my youngest son's school before we knew when the ceremony was. So I didn't see him until he got off the bus. He walked in the door and started crying. It was in that moment I knew he didn't get the medal he so dearly wanted and it broke my heart. I asked him what was wrong and he said exactly what I thought he would. "The other kids got medals and trophies but I didn't." He did get a good citizenship award. It was a certificate. We had a long (hey 2 minutes is a long time for him lol) talk about why it was a honor to get that and how proud of him I was and all that mom motivational talk stuff.

I see him struggle all year long. I see him come home happy, frustrated, crying and feeling hopeless. I see him work harder than most of the other kids on his assignments and projects. I see him struggle with deadlines. I see him get confused and upset because kids call him names or make fun. He has worked harder and had more struggles than most of the kids in his class but he gets 1 certificate. It isn't fair to him at all. It breaks my heart that the school doesn't recognize the kids with special needs and aren't able to attend school each day because of doctor visits and the ones that can't get straight A's because of a learning disability. I do understand that it is the reality of life but it doesn't mean I have to like it.

 It is at times like this that all my thoughts and feelings turn towards my struggle of accepting and understanding why God has given this 'disability' to Albert. It is a daily struggle. I have cried and yelled then get on my knees and prayed.  I don't understand what God is doing in our lives but I trust Him. I know that if we continue to faith and keep trusting that everything will work out according to his will and plan. I do want for Albert to be like that other kids and get medals and trophies but the reality is he won't. So instead of dwelling on the negatives we will choose to concentrate on the positive. Nope he didn't get a medal but he got a 100% and a great big smiley on his social studies project that he worked on all year long. He may not have gotten a trophy this year but he made a new friend and friends are more important than a trophy. He will never get an all A report card but not many kids can build a helicopter or car from Legos like he can or be able tell you about George Washington like he can. Play a game of match with him and you'll be blown away.

No he isn't like other kids but he is super special and totally awesome. He does understand he's different and he struggles with it sometimes like at the award ceremony. However he deals with it most of the time better than I do.